Robert Henri, Rough Seas Near Lobster Point, 1903.
“I want to sleep but I want coffee. I want to run until I break something. I want to break something but I don’t want to run. I don’t want to get out of bed but I want to achieve my goals. And I’m scared of what will happen if I don’t get up and that’s what paralyzes me. I want to dream and not nightmare. I don’t want to dream. I want to eat until I throw up and then I never want to eat again. I want to be hungry. I want to be skinny but I don’t want to lose weight. I want to love my body but I don’t want you to want me to love my body. I want to help people. I want everyone to be happy. I want to think that I am loved but I don’t want to be loved. I want it to be easy but I need it to be hard. I want to be nice and friendly. I want to be alone. I want to be understood but I don’t want to relate to anyone. I don’t want to worry but I don’t want to fail. I don’t want anxiety. I don’t want to be sick but it’s hard to believe this is healthy. I don’t want to cry but I want to feel my emotions and that’s the only way I know how.”
It only takes being rejected once for me to never ever ask anyone anything ever again.
“A short story is like a kiss in the dark from a stranger.”
– Stephen King (via lunastationquarterly)